tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-296640572011-12-14T18:56:03.729-08:00Anything I think is funny from around the Internet or plucked out of my head (ouch!). Every Word is True -- but not necessarily the setences or paragraphs.HVnoreply@blogger.comBlogger341100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1155508331252105212006-08-13T15:30:00.000-07:002006-08-13T15:33:39.216-07:00

Not Bull, Inspirational.

HVnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1154452779402986552006-08-01T10:11:00.000-07:002006-08-01T10:19:39.496-07:00

This is me performainga light- hearted poem performed by at the 1997 Cowboy Poetry Gathering, Toppenish, Washington. Converted from VHS.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1154431230140758542006-08-01T04:20:00.000-07:002006-08-01T04:20:32.596-07:00

Morris, an 82 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.A couple of days later the doctor spoke to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said

HVnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1153419835047584142006-07-20T11:22:00.000-07:002006-07-20T11:23:55.060-07:00

Dream what you want to dream;go where you want to go;be what you want to be,because you have only one lifeand one chance to do all the thingsyou want to do.(author not known)

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1153419071828758572006-07-20T11:10:00.000-07:002006-07-20T11:11:11.840-07:00

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously uicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money."I can't take

HVnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1152595674124921762006-07-10T22:23:00.000-07:002006-07-10T22:27:54.133-07:00

This is me performing at the 1997 Cowboy Poetry Gathering, Toppenish, Washington. Converted from VHS.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1152422106876041512006-07-08T22:12:00.000-07:002006-07-08T22:15:06.876-07:00

Cat's Vendetta

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1152421571898115112006-07-08T22:05:00.000-07:002006-07-08T22:06:11.900-07:00

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price."Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand for the story behind it." "At that price, you can

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151985154151985002006-07-03T20:47:00.000-07:002006-07-04T08:56:40.436-07:00

From the bull pen:A friend of mine said he was going to Metaline Falls (his hometown) to play in a golf tournament. "Its a golf and gun club". (I am not making that up).I said, "Only in Idaho." He reminded me it was in Washington. 'Same difference', I thought. "Only in the Sticks".I asked, "Is that like a skeet shooting club, only instead of ' PULL', Ka-Pow you have ' FORE', Ka-Pow? Ka-Pow,

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151982566064960182006-07-03T19:57:00.000-07:002006-07-03T20:09:26.116-07:00

DHL delivers anything... anywhere... for anyone, apparently. Including a dog to bug this bird's arch-nemesis, the household cat.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151814578036700002006-07-01T21:18:00.000-07:002006-07-04T08:56:10.490-07:00

From the bull pen:When I came to North Idaho in 1992, I was stopped at the Montana border by the Idaho State Police. They asked if I carried any guns. I said "no", so they gave me one.On the Washington border they were stopping cars with California plates and painting targets on them. That practice ended when the population reached 51 percent Californians.Now Kootenai County, where I live, is

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151733269395490042006-06-30T22:52:00.000-07:002006-06-30T22:54:29.403-07:00

Via: VideoSift

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These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. (Source unknown) Q: What is your date of birth?A: July fifteenth.Q: What year?A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes.Q: And in what ways does it affect your

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151613150705247182006-06-29T13:30:00.000-07:002006-07-04T08:55:34.776-07:00

From the bull pen:When I moved North Idaho it was to a large basement apartment of a log home in the county. The basement hadn't been lived in for years - for reasons to be explained at another time. As I soon discovered in the shower, the house was inhabited by frogs, small frogs. Very dutifully I carried each outside and released them in a shady spot. The frogs kept coming and I'd put out one

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151527828509691642006-06-28T13:47:00.000-07:002006-06-28T13:54:56.016-07:00

Not amusing (except to sickos), but very fascinating.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151512877971133442006-06-28T09:39:00.000-07:002006-06-28T09:41:17.973-07:00

A young man called his mother and announcedexcitedly that he had just met the woman of hisdreams.Now what should he do?His mother had an idea:"Why don't you send her flowers, and on the cardinvite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"He thought this was a great strategy andarranged a date for a week later.His mother called the day after the big date tosee how things had gone."The evening was

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151473881703563622006-06-27T22:49:00.000-07:002006-06-27T22:51:21.713-07:00

Billy Collins former US Poet Laureateannimation by Julian Grey of Headgear

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151345171957846912006-06-26T10:58:00.000-07:002006-06-26T11:13:43.993-07:00

I saw the ad. Oh boy, I thought. First of all, I'm cheap.Secondly I don't watch much TV. My rabbit ears get themajor networks including Fox, plus two public TV stations.But it would would be nice to once in a while get theDiscovery and the Disney channel and the like.One time software purchase and no other fees. Wellfortunately I did some checking around the internet. Sorry,no Animal Planet

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151258195609612242006-06-25T10:51:00.000-07:002006-06-25T10:56:35.620-07:00

Oil Change Instructions for Women:1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches3000 miles since last oil change.2) Drink a cup of coffee or read through magazine.3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with aproperly maintained vehicle.Money spent:Oil Change $20.00Coffee $ 1.00Total $21.00.Oil Change instructions for Men:1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for$50.00 for oil,

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151131802819223262006-06-23T23:45:00.000-07:002006-06-23T23:50:02.820-07:00

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1151040740212113292006-06-22T22:32:00.000-07:002006-06-22T22:32:20.266-07:00

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150947716107957622006-06-21T20:34:00.000-07:002006-06-21T20:41:58.236-07:00

From: The Wild File | Outside OnlineQ) Do cows lying down really mean it's going to rain?Jesse cantwell, Groveland, IllinoisNope. Nor is it true that dogs eat grass before rain, groundhogs ruminate over their shadows, or Harvard nerds play Risk the night preceding a nor'easter. Turns out the vast majority of weather lore is bunk, though many faulty predictors endure in the age of Doppler

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150880593309122742006-06-21T02:00:00.000-07:002006-06-21T02:08:56.440-07:00

This is good.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150732301445709792006-06-19T08:51:00.000-07:002006-06-19T12:13:48.416-07:00

Answers to Strange QuestionsQ: Turn on a huge oven, put in a slab of beefsteak and a human being, and which cooks faster?A: In one of the bizarrer experiments ever, the above was actually tried, says Arizona State University climatologist Randy Cerveny in "Freaks of the Storm: The World's Strangest True Weather Stories." It was 1775, and Scottish physician George Fordyce set out to determine how

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150730339671394432006-06-19T08:18:00.000-07:002006-06-19T08:26:36.980-07:00

JACKALOPE by Hilma (Volcano) Volk"Are there jackalope around here?"The dude from Chicago asked."Well up here there's too much elevation;They're down on sagebrush flats.""Course the females don't have antlers.Males shed theirs in early spring.They'll bed down during the dayAnd come out in the late evening."They're masters of camouflage,When scared they'll lay out flat.Them antlers

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150688800928025632006-06-18T20:42:00.000-07:002006-06-18T21:00:18.026-07:00

10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150599052077923572006-06-17T19:49:00.000-07:002006-06-18T20:59:06.150-07:00

This is amazing.whale crushes kayak

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150595902543925802006-06-17T18:55:00.000-07:002006-06-18T20:57:50.376-07:00

Cool Chinese CocaCola commercial. Wow.

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150524333454036822006-06-16T23:03:00.000-07:002006-06-16T23:05:33.460-07:00

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began."You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow."I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued."The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him."Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150493629125790312006-06-16T14:33:00.000-07:002006-06-16T22:47:23.330-07:00

A large two-engine train was crossing thecountry.After some distance, one of the engines brokedown."No problem," the engineer thought and carriedon at half power.Farther on down the line, the other enginebroke down and the train came to a standstill.The engineer decided he should inform thepassengers about why the train had stopped,and made the following announcement,"Ladies and gentlemen, I have

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150391362961900022006-06-15T10:00:00.000-07:002006-06-15T10:26:43.140-07:00

FEAR MOMGEORGE BUSHLike a Rockonly dumberHonk if YOU AreELVISMY KARMAran over your DOGMABorn OK the FIRST TimeBUCKLE UPIt makes it harder for the aliensto suck you out of your car.Jesus is Cominglook busyWould Somebody PleaseGive Bush a Blow jobSo We Can Impeach HimWELCOME TO AMERICAnow speak EnglishJESUS LOVES YOUeveryone else thinksyou're an AssholeDRINK YOUR BEERThere's Sober Kids in IndiaTHIS

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150326473859206272006-06-14T15:58:00.000-07:002006-06-14T16:07:53.860-07:00

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes."Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student." And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," she said." And you sir," he said to the young

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150277655898310722006-06-14T02:31:00.000-07:002006-06-14T02:34:15.953-07:00

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I

HVnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29664057.post-1150223476240070612006-06-13T11:28:00.000-07:002006-06-13T11:51:33.090-07:00

Driving to the office this morning on the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new BMW.She was doing 136 Kph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eye liner!I looked away for a couple seconds and when Ilooked back she was halfway over in my lane! Still working on that make-up !!!It scared me so bad, (I'm a man) that I droppedmy electric shaver

HVnoreply@blogger.com0